The Zen Life

"I can't believe no team has ever beaten us!!!" & "Mom, I don't want to go to swim lessons today."

Two comments from my two 8 year olds--each celebrating their OWN identity and what it means to be joyful! Garrett's soccer team won again (they are undefeated!) and with each win, Garrett finds more excitement, more desire, more "woo-hoos!" about his part of a TEAM (a connection he really likes to make!). We don't push or suggest that "winning" is somehow better than not "winning". But for Garrett--it IS a marker for success. Or rather, the not winning (in his mind) is a mark of failure. Now, I could get into a whole rant here about how public schools ingrain competition into the public psyche, and kids end feeling like they are either winners OR losers and there is nothing in between, and the whole good-bad dicotomy of the system--but I would rather focus on Garrett feeling all shiny! And it is not for me to define what is success for Garrett. Or even to decide for Garrett whether "success" (as define by popular culture) should be important to him. What IS important is that, regardless of the reasons, Garrett was allowed to freely choose to play a sport (or not), freely participate in that sport (or not) , and has come away from each practice and game with a whole barrell full of warm fuzzies about HIMSELF! YAY Garrett!

For Jonah's part, he had his own moment of complete personal freedom when he decided he didn't want to take his swim lesson today; instead, he wanted to do other things (play the DS and the Wii). His statement was made with some apprehension. Would we honor his request, would we get angry, would we force him to do something that he really did not want to do? In the past (before learning about and realizing the personal power of unschooling), I am sorry to say that our reponses would be just that. But today I can honor who Jonah IS and so I said "Okay", followed by the reassurance that he did not have to do anything he didn't want to do. We realized that we may have been remiss in not talking to the boys about our philosophies about parenting and life and learning. Especially given that we have made (over the past year or so) a change from what we once thought it was to be a "good" parent.

The discussion was a lightbulb moment for all of us! Ryan said that he would rather not go to swimming today either (and is now happily playing the Wii!). It was really interesting to talk with him about our (Mike and I) ideas about our family. More and more we see him really seeing the disconnect between his own personal freedoms and what happens to him at school. Today he said "I really wish I could be homeschooled, too" (with a great big sigh). We promised him (and Garrett who echoed that sentiment) that we wouldn't give up. We would continue to ask and ask and be their cheerleaders for a more free life.

And now everyone is all happily shining joyfully as they each do the things THEY want to do (Elijah and Garrett swimming, Jonah and Ryan playing video games, Mike at the Y, and me home writing and cleaning). I love how I get reaffirmed every moment of everyday that not only is the unschooling path the more righteous path, but also the easiest path to follow! Now when I hear others talking about how parenting is the hardest, most challenging job in the world, I think: "You're doing it wrong!". Parenting is beautiful, joyous and EASY once you stop trying to control the outcome!

Love & Light,
K.